Lost in Translation

I know I’ve already gone through great lengths to convey how frustrating cooking in England is for an American—the metric system being my first point of contention, followed by an extra small, Celsius oven—but now I’d like to move onto the language barriers I’ve encountered in professional kitchens. Surely one would most immediately ask, “Don’t the English speak English?” Well, the short answer is yes, of course they do. But if you have some time, allow me to explain the many exceptions.

Let’s talk about Appetizers, Entrées and Desserts. Seems clear enough, but the last time I said, “So, we’ll be serving all three courses? Apps, entrées and desserts?” I was treated to looks of sheer confusion. The chef furrowed her brow and with much exasperation asked me to repeat myself. Horrified, I thought maybe I said something that resembled the F word. Apps? Entrées? Desserts? Where could that have gone wrong? I wondered. My cheeks went ten shades of red as I slowly repeated myself. As it turns out, their preferred phrasing is Starter, Main Course (entrée being completely off the radar), and either Dessert or Pudding. Yes, Pudding is actually synonymous with dessert. And if you use the word Pudding, it doesn’t even have to include any variant of pudding, Jell-o or Bill Cosby. I also learned that the ever-popular Christmas Pudding is a cake!

On the subject of things not being called what they actually are, let’s move on to mincemeat. I was working a lunch, when the chef told me the “pudding” we were serving was a strudel stuffed with fruit and mincemeat. So I asked if that meant it was going to be sweet and savory, as I envisioned a phyllo parcel chock full of apples and sirloin. Apparently that was a dumb question, because mincemeat, when referring to dessert, is a combination of fruits, cinnamon, cloves, sugar and raisins. It can include meat, but not when it’s used in a strudel topped with powdered sugar. Talk about misleading!

A few more? I could go on for days! When asked to put left over turkey in the “bin”, I packed it up in Cling Film (aka plastic wrap) ready to place it in a bin—then perhaps in the refrigerator. Am I wrong to think putting something in a bin is meant for safe and fresh keeping? Well, the chef turned to me and said, “You don’t need to wrap it. Just put it in the bin,” while pointing at the garbage. To hide my embarrassment I wanted to laugh and explain that Americans always wrap up their trash before putting in the garbage. Instead, I thought better of it, threw the turkey away and sheepishly moved on to the next task.

And another time (at band camp—just kidding), I was instructed to hand over the “naught pan”. What the hell is a naught pan? Seriously, does anyone out there actually know what that means? I sure don’t… or didn’t. After a few minutes of hot and cold—No the one on the right. Down. Over a bit more. You’re hand is on it. Yes, that’s the one!—I discovered that the so-called naught pan is what we Americans call a “hotel pan”. Basically, these are stainless steel pans that come in many sizes with the purpose of cooking, storing and serving food. They are the be-all-end-all of cooking paraphernalia, and something you learn about on the first day of culinary school. So you can probably imagine that the head chef must’ve thought I got my degree from a Cracker Jack box, as he immediately insisted on giving me a lengthy lecture on the practical uses of the aforementioned pans. I tried to interrupt and explain that I knew what they were, but called them by a different name. But as the chef was Italian and I was American and we were in England, the message wasn’t getting through. So I listened to his lesson, nodded my head and politely said, “Oh, well, yes I see,” as if I never before heard of such a miraculous invention.

After many embarrassing encounters, I think it’s safe to say that while Americans and Brits generally speak the same language, sometimes (a lot of times), things get lost in translation. In addition to kitchen confusion, there are many other words and phrases each country say differently—often times I feel like I’m learning a new language (maybe I’ll put “bilingual” on my resume). In closing, I will leave you with a short list, so next time you come to England (or vice versa) you will know how to properly speak English.

US             UK

Elevator – Lift

Bathroom – Loo or Toilet

Toilet paper – Loo roll

Parking lot – Car park

Period (as in punctuation) – Full stop

Crowded – Rammed

Mail – Post

Hot (as in, “he’s hot”) – Fit

Eggplant – Aubergine

Zucchini – Courgette

(Bread) Roll – Bap

Pants – Trousers

Underwear – Pants

Jerk – Wanker

If you have any more to add to the list, feel free to leave a comment!